The Feed

Me eyeing the cheese board like it's an ex.

#relatable

"It's only a little butter" — my enemy.

#betrayal

Oat milk latte: $7. Not being in pain: priceless.

#finance

POV: the waiter says the sauce is cream-based.

#pov

Lactase pills hitting like a power-up.

#gaming

68% of us. We're not a niche, we're a nation.

#facts

Ice cream night, but make it sorbet o'clock.

#cope

Cow milk left on read since 2009.

#savage

Shaking the carton like it owes me money.

#ritual

My gut after one cheeky mozzarella stick.

#consequences

Barista said "oat?" before I did. Soulmate.

#love

Reading ingredient labels like a detective.

#survival